It’s no secret that there has long been a preference in the gay community for youth. It’s easy to see why–the physical beauty and sexual energy of young guys is appealing. And this is true in the gay bdsm world too. Lots of guys (myself included) enjoy introducing young, inexperienced guys to the pleasures of submission. Power exchange is often enhanced by a difference in age, since experience and skill take time to develop, and doms need to know what they’re doing, especially at the deeper end of the pool
But one of the downsides to that is that as subs get older, unless they’ve found their long-time partner, they start running into problems finding doms to play with. If all the doms want hot young studs in their 20s, where does that leave the subs in their 40s and 50s and older? On the chat forums I’m involved in, I frequently see guys in their 50s and 60s lamenting that they are having trouble finding a master, that they are lonely, that they feel ‘washed-up’ and undesirable. So this post is about why doms should seriously consider claiming an older boy.
- Being a boy is not about age. It’s about a state of mind, about knowing one’s place in the hierarchy. Many young guys know they enjoy being submissive but that can change as they grow older, experience more things, and find the confidence and self-knowledge that generally comes with age and life-experiences. Younger guys can be frustrating because they’re unsure of what they want and may change their minds as they try things more. Older boys have experienced enough to know that they are truly happiest in the bottom bunk.
- Older boys, unless they’ve only just accepted their kinkiness, are also typically familiar with a lot of types of play. They understand safety, they know what healthy and unhealthy play looks like. They probably know the basics of how to take a beating. They understand the basics of protocol, even if they don’t know exactly what a new dom wants in specific. In other words, they’re easier to train and don’t need as much breaking in.
- Related to that, they have also often pushed past many basic obstacles that younger guys may struggle with. I’ve deal with many young boys who wanted to submit but who were scared to. Older subs generally know how do work through their fears, and they know the difference between being nervous and the instinct that something is actually wrong. So they’re a lot less play-shy and require less hand-holding to get to the good stuff.
- Older subs are also often more familiar with the ups and downs of their head. They know what their sub-drop feels like and they probably understand what they need to deal with it. They know what turns them on and can communicate it more clearly. It can be a relief to deal with a boy who can say, “if you really want to get into my head, here’s what to do.” They get that they have to be complicit in their own subjugation.
- Older boys may well know forms of play that a prospective dom doesn’t. So they can act as guides for unfamiliar types of play a dom might want to explore.
- Most older boys have their shit together. They are likely to have stable jobs, a social network they can turn to in times of trouble, cash reserves for emergencies, and basic life skills. Since many older boys enjoy service, they may also have good domestic skills like cooking, cleaning, and the like. Since their sexual fires have cooled a bit, they are often more focused on domestic service and find it gratifying.
- Older boys can be deeply loyal because of the gratitude for being given the opportunity to serve. They understand how precious that opportunity truly is.
- They’ve got stories. They’re old enough to remember what gay culture was like in the 80s and 90s, and they have a certain inner strength that gays had to develop to survive back then. They’re part of the community and care about it.
Beauty, as the saying goes, is skin deep. Older boys usually don’t have the same spark of beauty they had in their 20s, but they’ve often cultivated a more important form of beauty, the beauty of deep submission to a dom. Learn to look beyond the surface with these guys, even if you decide you don’t want sex from them. Older boys have a lot to offer.