There is a boy I know in another country. A faggot, to be more precise, by his own acknowledgment. I’ve never met him, but we chat occasionally online. He tributes periodically, but generally very small amounts because he doesn’t have a lot of money. I’ll call him V.
V’s life dream is to become a dj. It’s something he’s wanted for a long time. He moved to his capital city and got the equipment he needs, but, like a lot of faggots, he’s filled with self-doubt and doesn’t think he’s good enough. I’ve been encouraging him to practice and to look for gigs, but he’s always been hesitant to really put himself out there.
He recently contacted me, really excited. A friend of his was doing an event at his art gallery and invited him to do the music at the event. V was surprised at how well it went. He made a few mistakes, but people seemed to enjoy the music. I think it helped that there was no dancing, so he was more doing background music, which took a little of the pressure off.
And to make it even better, he had an audition for a cafe owner who wanted music, and the guy really liked V’s music. He invited him to play a hour set next week.
When V told me that, I told him I was really proud of him, that I knew he could do it, he just had to believe in himself and practice and put himself out. So I encouraged him to keep going, to work on chasing his dream. And, not surprisingly, he was really excited that I was proud of him.
My point in relating this story is a simple one, but in the world of online kink, it doesn’t get the attention it should.
Love your subs.
What I mean by that is that when a boy serves you, in whatever capacity you find meaningful, you owe him something in return. You owe him your love, in the sense that you give him praise, encouragement, advice, or whatever he needs at the moment.
Too many gay men grow up without supportive father figures. They might be absent or they might not like having a gay son or they just might not know how to be the kind of father a gay man needs.
A dom is almost inherently a father figure to his boys. They regard him as strong, wise, admirable, knowledgeable, and so on. They crave his approval, the way boys crave their father’s approval.
And it’s our duty to give them that approval. It costs me nothing to tell a boy he’s worthy, or to praise him for his achievements, or to give him a pep talk when he’s low or struggling. It costs me nothing, but it’s a gift of immense value to a boy. It tells him he has value, that someone sees him and wants good things for him. It validates him in a way that is enormously powerful.
And I think this is especially true for findoms. If a cashfag is sending you tribute, he is giving you something you value, and giving him support and encouragement is the least a findom can do for a cashfag. To take a boy’s money and return him nothing at all is to be nothing more than a useless parasite.
And being that source of support and affirmation can be enormously rewarding to the Dom. Knowing that my boys look to me to support and guidance, that they trust me to tell me what might be wrong in their lives and listen to my thoughts about their situation, is tremendously affirming for me and my sense of myself as a leader.
Western culture tells men to be self-sufficient, to never engage emotionally, to deny our entire emotional self. It teaches us to create walls around ourselves and not admit our own struggles and pain. BDSM serves to break down those walls by letting us be vulnerable to other men, by helping us forge genuine connections of love and support with other men.
So love your subs.
Leather-Bound Press 