Size Matters

Size is one of the archetypal ideas in kink play. We all know it. It shapes how we think about so many things.

I’m talking, of course, about height. Physical size matters.

Take for example this photo:

It’s immediately obvious, particularly from the (presumed) boy’s grin, that the size differential here is part of the turn-on. It’s pretty clear that he loves the idea that this huge guy is gonna fuck him. That (presumed) top is going to absolutely dwarf him while they fuck. He’s going to feel small, engulfed, overpowered, and unable to resist. That top can literally throw him around, hoist him over one shoulder, or do whatever else he wants. Physical size can serve as a metaphor for power among kinksters.

I say “(presumed)” in that previous paragraph because I’m making the standard assumption that the bigger guy is indeed the top/dom in the scene. But it’s also possible that the bigger guy is the bottom/sub in the scene. Notice how that too has an added erotic charge. The idea that this big muscular guy might actually be submitting to a much smaller man that he could easily overpower conveys its own sort of intense power exchange, because it must be rooted in the bigger man’s voluntary choice to submit. There are certainly large muscle guys who want to be slaves, who want to feel psychologically smaller than their dom.

Given how prevalent size is in kink play, it’s interesting that people rarely speak about ‘Size Play’, even though just a brief survey of common kinks demonstrates how widespread Size Play really is.

The porn site Fun-Size Boys is all about pairing twinks with larger guys who top them, and its companion size, Twink Top, is built around the opposite dynamic.

There are giant fetishists out there who love the idea of serving, worshipping, or being trampled by literal giants. These kinksters will often pay for photoshopped images of scenes like that involving their favorite dom. They take the psychological need for smallness to its logical extreme, even though sadly they can’t really live that experience out. Muscle worship is another facet of this scene, and it too has kinksters who fantasize about insane growth. There’s a reason steroid use has become so widespread in the bodybuilding community, but they rarely openly discuss the sexual dimensions of what they’re doing.

And, of course, there is also dick size. Subs often crave well-endowed doms because the dick size speaks directly to erotic power. Small penis humiliation is a major kink for many guys, regardless of how large their actual dick is. Chastity fans frequently perv out to the idea of shrinking their dicks by using increasingly small cages, and it’s a common myth among them that doing this results in permanent shrinkage. (It doesn’t. Over time, an uncaged cock will gradually resume its original size.)

So it’s worth giving at least a little thought to how size might play out in your own dynamic. Even if you and your partner are roughly the same size, there are ways to create a sense of size difference. Making a boy kneel creates an illusion that he is smaller than his Sir, because he has to look up to him. A leatherman wearing boots and a Muir cap gains about 2-3 inches in perceived height. (Years ago, a police officer confided to me that this is a major reason that police officers wear caps, because it enhances their perceived size and authority. He also told me that whenever possible, he would find a way to increase the size difference with people was talking to, such as standing on the street curb when they stood in the gutter or standing next to the car they were sitting in.)

In contrast, a baseball cap or ‘rebel cap’ subtly reduces its wearer’s height by cutting down their upward line of sight with the brim. Keeping a boy barefoot where reasonable will also shrink him slightly in relation to those wearing shoes. Pups being on their hands and knees clearly makes their handler tower over them. Littles and age players will often wear oversized items like bonnets or bibs, enhancing their sense of smallness.

Even if you’re not actually much larger than your sub, claiming you are can become a fun element of role-playing. Hypnotism can create an illusion of the subject being smaller than the tist (or larger, although that’s not as common, I think), and long-term application of hypnosis could probably condition a sub to genuinely perceive his dom as larger than he is.

At its core, this is really much more about psychology than biology. Subs, taken as a group, want to feel smaller than, inferior to, weaker than their dom. For some subs, physical size becomes such a natural metaphor for that inferiority that it becomes its own kink. And because it’s psychological rather than physical, that means this is a dimension of kink that is accessible to any kink pair that are interested in exploring it.

So what’s your favorite element of Size Play?