One of the most important phrases a Dom can use with his sub is the simple ‘Good boy’. It’s useful in so many situations.
Subs by nature tend to be at least a little bit insecure. They all feel inferior to one extent or another, although not necessarily to the same degree. A single well-timed ‘good boy’ can assuage their sense of insecurity by telling them that they’ve done a good job. Many subs worry that they aren’t living up to their Sir’s expectations, that their service is inadequate or insufficient in some way. So saying ‘good boy’ after even a small task can tell them that you’re pleased, that they performed well, which can often help them put aside their worry, at least about that particular chore or action. Many doms don’t often say ‘thank you’ to their slaves because it feels a little too egalitarian, but ‘good boy’ can express gratitude in a non-egalitarian way.
Knowing that they might be told they’re a good boy can also motivate a boy to work harder to please his master. It tells them they are on the right track. As an incentive, ‘good boy’ costs a dom nothing but feeling like they have pleased their Sir or even more that they are worthy is often far more precious than money to many subs.
‘Good boy’ also reaffirms the bond between Sir and boy. It says that the dom values his sub the way a man might value his dog, if not more. The bond between a man and a dog is a very well-understood one, and since dog owners often call their dogs good boys, the phrase draws off a model that is both hierarchical and affectionate, something that describes the relationship between most Sirs and boys. And of course, if pup play is an element of the dynamic, it gains even deeper resonance.
Many subs struggle with feelings of worthlessness, and ‘good boy’ can help combat that, because it can speak not just to a specific task a boy has completed, but to his basic identity. When said with thought and sincerity, it can combat a boy’s sense of worthlessness by telling him that his master sees something worthy and valuable in the boy. Building up a boy’s self-esteem is very important.
Of course, many dom/sub relationships are built to include a strong element of humiliation and verbal abuse. But even in a relatively strict or harsh dynamic, there is room for a few ‘good boys’. Throwing in an occasional affirmation can reassure even a very worthless boy that he’s doing a good job, that you see his efforts to please, and that you find some value in what he does. And it is also a reminder to the dom that even a very degraded sub is still a human being and needs all the things human beings need, even if they express those needs a little differently from most people.
So what does ‘good boy’ mean to you?
Leather-Bound Press 
You are kidding? Saying thank you is a bit too egalitarian?? Sign of viseral rudeness and disrespect bit to say thank you more like.
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There are definitely doms and subs who feel that a master should never say thank you because it implies a degree of equality or that it suggests the sub could refuse.
It’s ok that you don’t think that would work for you, but don’t criticize the way other kinksters arrange their dynamic just because you don’t think their dynamic would work for you.
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No hard disagree. Happy to shame anyone who can’t bring themselves to say thank you. It’s basic manners. Nothing to do with kink.
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So if you’re ok shaming people for their kinks, I assume you’re ok with everyone else shaming you for whatever your kinks are. Kink-tolerance is a two-way street. If you don’t grant it, you don’t deserve it.
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You are confused with great respect been a kink and bad manners/disrespect. If both parties agree that saying good boy is a substitute for saying thank you that’s fine – it’s a kink. But that’s not what your post above says. It says that if the master can’t bring himself to say thank you then he can say good boy. Well that’s just bad manners. It’s not a kink. Everyone should be able to say thank you, regardless. It can be set aside by agreement but everyone should be taught to say thank you.
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I love it. You’re completely right about it enforcing the hierarchy and also showing affection. I feel simultaneously loved and put in my place.
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And when you feel that way, serving gets so much easier, I’ll bet
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Oh absolutely Sir. I feel happiest in my subservient position, having that recognised and also knowing my Master is pleased with my service is wonderful.
It feels even more powerful when my real world skills are used to benefit Him and I get praised. My experience is His benefit.
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Yes, knowing that your master is benefitting from your skills is a wonderful thing
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Really enjoy the blog Sir, thanks for sharing
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I’m glad you are enjoying it!
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Loving this blog, sir! Hear the words “good boy” makes me feel valued, it really is that simple. The hope of hearing those words, of knowing that I have pleased Sir in some way, inspires me to be the best that I can be.
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That’s the way it should be, boy
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I’m late in the day with reading this. Tom you are just focusing on the concept of manners and playing semantics. In a sub/domain relationship the focus is not on manners but the interplay of the dynamic on the relationship. Being thanked is irrelevant because a sub should not expect to be thanked as it is their will simply to please their dom. Being praised (such as ‘good boy’) for a task is more important to a sub because it recognises that they have done a good job and pleased their dom and reinforces for them their subservient role in the relationship. Nothing more. So thanks by the dom is unnecessary in such a situation. Indeed it is the sub who should thank their dom or master for allowing them to do the tasks in the first place due to the power dynamic. David
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There are definitely situations where a dom can and should express gratitude to his sub. If I’m having a one-off scene with a boy, I often thank them after the scene is over, especially if I got something I really needed from the boy.
But the more extreme the power imbalance is, the less likely the sub is to want to be thanked. In many ways, not thanking a sub is respecting him by validating his sense of inferiority.
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Earning a “good boy” brings an instant rush of pleasure
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