When you first get into kink, one of the challenges is building up you bag of toys. You naturally want to buy the sexy clothing, the fun toys, and the various things you need to do bondage, pain play, and the like. Here are a few things to think about when you’re starting out.
- Don’t just run out and buy whatever. It takes time to build your wardrobe and your toy bag, the same way it takes time to properly outfit a kitchen with the stuff you need for cooking. So pace yourself. Figure out a few basic pieces that you absolutely know you want and get those first, and then gradually add new toys as you find new interests. Better to get things you know you want and will use than to drop a lot of money on something and find you don’t actually enjoy it enough to use it.
- In the realm of sex toys and fetish gear, you absolutely get what you pay for. Cheap gear is usually very low quality and will tend to break quickly. Don’t buy your sex toys off Amazon because most of what you will find there is low-quality crap from China; it’s cheap because it’s poorly made. You don’t want toys that will break easily because a) you’ll have to replace it soon and b) toys that break easily tend to wind up injuring someone and that’s the last thing you want to happen during a play scene. Definitely don’t buy fuzzy handcuffs–they’re practically guaranteed to hurt your sub.
- The above rule is particularly true for leather. Decent leather clothing is pricey because leather is itself pricey. When you buy leather gear from Amazon or some other cheap wholesaler, you are likely to wind up with thin leather that is poorly stitched and fits badly; it won’t look and feel sexy on you. Get your leather either from a local craftsman or one of the big name fetish clothing dealers like Mr S. Leather or RoB Paris. If at all possible, go to the real-world store, try the gear on, and find something that fits; these places will then do alterations to make sure it fits correctly. Expect to pay handsomely; good leather is not cheap, so save up for it. The upside of good leather is that it’s durable; I bought my chaps at Mr S about a decade ago and they still look almost as good as they day I bought them. And furthermore, decent leather has good resale value or can be passed on to a friend or mentee.
- Oh, and while we’re on the subject of leather clothing, it should be fairly snug. That means that if you are planning on significantly changing your body (either by losing weight or adding muscle), hold off on buying that leather shirt or pants until you’re roughly in the shape you think you’ll be in. You don’t want to drop $300-500 on a sexy pair of leather jeans and then discover a couple months later that your ass won’t fit in them anymore. Chaps are a bit more forgiving. And if you lose weight, a decent leather tailor can take them in.
- Another important reason to prefer local craftsmen over Amazon is that you’re supporting a local business that is part of the fetish scene. These stores act as gather placing for local kinksters, often advertise local events, and may host classes or demonstrations of kink skills. If you live in a smaller town or out in the country, chances are one of the big cities in your region will have a shop of this sort, so make a special trip or save up until the next time you go. There are also annual events like International Mr Leather where dozens of vendors hawk their wares.
- Another good option for kinky stuff is your local women’s sex store. These are businesses that are usually run by women and tend to cater to an all-genders clientele. In contrast to those sleazy video arcades or truck stop sex shops, which always smell like disinfectant and mostly carry crappy sex toys imported from China, a woman’s sex shop has a more comfortable inviting atmosphere. They’re often bright and sunny, with nice carpeting and a smaller selection of better-quality items for sale. These stores cater to kinky people and they are usually staffed with salespeople who are knowledgable about what they sell and can help you find the right product for your particular needs. Some carry products by local craftsmen. I’ve had great conversations about different lubes, chastity cages, and dildos with the staff of my local store. Don’t feel embarrassed to talk to them. Everyone who goes into those shops is looking for the same basic thing–stuff for their sex life. (But don’t except to find a fast hook-up; if that’s what you’re angling for, go to the video arcade instead.)
- It’s also important to know that you don’t need a ton of fancy toys when you’re first starting out. You can do perfectly decent bondage with rope you get at the hardware store. A good riding crop is a great first impact toy, and a sturdy wooden cooking spoon works pretty well too, as do ping pong paddles, and clothespins make decent tit toys. There are lots of low-cost items that can work well for kinky purposes. But don’t use silk scarves or ties for bondage–they can easily tighten and become hard to remove quickly if there’s an issue.
- Following on from that, don’t improvise toys you plan to insert into an orifice. The only toys you should be putting in someone’s holes are professionally-designed toys built for that purpose. When you stick a carrot or action figure or whatever where the sun don’t shine, you are pretty much begging for part of it to break off inside, and broken toys often have jagged edges. Broken insertables usually require a trip to the ER, and professional toys are far less likely to break. They also have flared bases that mean it’s less likely for the toy to accidentally go all the way in.
- If huge ass toys are your thing, remember that the performers you saw using them trained their asses by slowly stretching them with increasingly larger toys. So hold off on buying that butt plug that doubles as a lava lamp. Buy a small ass-toy first and get comfortable with it before you go a step up. Make the humongous dildo a goal you’re aiming for, not your first purchase.
- And while we’re on the subject of improvised toys, don’t fuck around with home-made electro toys. Only ever buy a purpose built electro toy like a violet wand or a TENS unit. And make sure you read the instructions and know how to use it safely. Electricity is dangerous and applied badly it can easily cause burns, seizures, nerve damage and heart attacks. NEVER put a shock collar on a human neck—there are lots of ways you can permanently injure the sub. Here’s an article that goes into exactly how and why this is ALWAYS unsafe: https://www.domme-chronicles.com/2021/02/shock-collars-in-bdsm-play-are-they-safe
Leather-Bound Press 